The Weight of the World...

Its interesting to go back and look into the blogs, and see how life has changed. I went from sitting pretty good, content with where I was, to once again, losing most everything. I still have a job, at least until Dec. 31, but I've lost the house, the bike, and the owners of said items are threatening legal action for late rent.
I'm back to living in a basement, this one unfinished, and anytime someone takes a bath or shower upstairs, the ceiling leaks. It is still better then the back of my truck or the hangar, so for that I'm thankful.

Fall and winter have always been difficult times of year for me, its almost a cycle, most bad things that happen, do so during these seasons, and I spend spring and summer trying to pick myself back up.

With how much has happened just this summer, it doesn't bode well for the colder months...

Life Marches On

So, its been awhile. I have a job now, which probably accounts for a lot of it. Then I'm also moving, renting a nice little house in Shakopee from the same folks I picked up the Sportster from. All and all, a busy time.

I think things are starting to come together, but I still feel like everything is balancing on a knifes edge. I will still probably turn in the Dakota to the bank, Its just an outrageous amount of money to pay every month for a truck I don't even like. Time will tell, and we shall see. I will contact a couple different banks on Monday about refinancing options, but the ex left my credit in such tatters, I don't hold out much hope for it. And with it so terrible anyhow, A repo on my record probably won't matter that much anyhow.

Oh, and I pick up the Siberian Husky pup with week also. The excitement continues!

Through Another's Eyes

"Your a Christian? Wow, I never would have guessed that!"

That was a wake up call I always was afraid would happen, and finally did. I was caught off guard, and in that instant my life, the way I live it, and how everyone sees me was laid bare. I can't remember a time I have felt quite so guilty, or embarrassed. The only thing I could do, was acknowledge my shortcomings on the way I live, and pray for the strength, wisdom and courage to do better in the future. It is written;

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."
Matthew 5:14-16

Sometimes we are put in a place, or given a chance to make a difference, although not just what we do in that moment is what makes the difference. Its all those smaller moments of living that have lead up to that chance, that can make an even bigger impact. And although you may speak well, if your life doesn't match your words, your standing on sand, as opposed to rock, when the flood comes.

It is a very sad, very humbling thing, to lose a chance to show someone Christ's love, not because you did not speak well, but because you did not live well.

Reboot.

So, I've finally gotten back to Minnesota from Fort Rucker, AL, and I've started working on the 72 Yamaha again. I think its destined to become a bobber at this point. The more I tear into it, the more I find wrong with it, so I think a frame off custom project is about the only thing left.
I found a company that makes hardtails for this frame type, they will even weld it all together for a reasonable price, although I think I might try to find some local talent to take on the challenge instead. We shall see.
Hopefully it will be ready to go by next years riding season!

Guidance

"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."
Brennan Manning


I was recently asked by a friend of mine how she could have a relationship with God. The words to tell her came easily to mind, I knew what I should say, and what to write.

It made me feel incredibly guilty.

For everything I would write to her, all the things that go along with a relationship with Christ, they were all things I wasn't even doing myself. Its a terrible feeling, to be in a position to help someone find the Lord, only to have them look at your own life, how you act, and wonder why there seems to be a double standard. There, of course, isn't one. Just hypocrisy. As it was written...

If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. 1 John 1:6


I pray the words I wrote to her, will strike a cord in her heart, and God will give her sight to look past my life, and lead her to walk with Him. And I will continue to strive to live up to the standards put before me.


But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. 1 John 1:7

Disgusted.

How easy it is to do right, when you have nothing left to lose.

And how difficult it can be to stick by your faith and beliefs, as soon as you have the least bit to lose by it.

I know what right looks like, and I know how it feels when I do wrong. Even gray areas, if you stop and look a bit closer, really are not. I simply can't seem to make the leap between knowing, and doing. Everyday I do a thousand things that go against what I believe and know to be right, and I am jealous, and in awe, of those who are strong enough, to simply live right.
What does it take, to cross that threshold, to move into the line of fire, and take the heat? Or is it even as bad as my mind makes it out to be?
I have no idea, because I'm to fearful to even take that step. I am disgusted by myself, to know better, to realize every little thing I do for what it is, but be unwilling to fix it.
I am the worst kind of coward. I have no problem fighting in wars, taking lives, flying about the earth in equipment built by the lowest bidder, but I am paralyzed to so much as stand up for my own beliefs.

How do you fix something like that?

Today was Easter Sunday, the celebration of the greatest new beginning of all time.
I spent yesterday evening with Jen, and went with her and her family to church this morning. It was a good service, not as thought provoking as some of the services I've been to up north, but it was nice to be able to go to a service again. Its been about a month or so, with everything that has been going on in life. Strange, how as things get more difficult, we pull further away from the things that actually matter, and will help.
I've spent a good deal of this weekend in thought and prayer, but I'm not sure if I'm any closer to an answer yet. Only time will tell, but I still have faith.