Sunday, January 29, 2012

Boxed Memories

So, the other day I was frantically looking through some old boxes searching for a bit of misplaced paperwork. While I was at it, I decided I may as well do some sorting, and try to get rid of a bunch old old stuff I wasn't ever going to use anymore. I am easily halfway to a hoarder, and I will keep anything I think I might someday perhaps need. The six file boxes of old papers alone are a shining example of such.
As I was looking, I ran across a large old envelope. It looked innocent enough, so I opened it.

Oh, sneaky envelope, there will be a rematch. And when it happens, I am tagging in the burn barrel.

Inside the deceitful paper carrier, was a few old pictures taken just after I was married, and the marriage certificate itself. This surprised me, as I thought I had safely stowed away all related items of that period in my life in a secure shoebox. Apparently not.
I sat awhile looking at the photos. It was my new wife and I, posing in front of my nearly as new truck. I looked at myself, who in turn seemed to be looking at me, and I recalled who I was back then. I think the best way I could sum it up, is that I was a ball of pride, selfishness, and anger. And then I looked at her, a picture of a sweet, innocent girl, a big smile on her face, having fallen for and married a guy who could do her no good.
Looking back, I think she must have known what I was. I wonder if she was able to see past all that, to a spark of something she felt was worth giving her love too. I truly wish I could have lived up to whatever potential she saw in me back then.

It was been almost a decade since that photo was taken, and so much has changed since then. It has only been in the last year or two I have been able to find a bit of direction, and start plotting out a new course. I have a good steady job, and have applied to a bible college, with an eye on seminary.

I have kept that photo on my desk for near a week, looking at it, and thinking. I believe it is time for me to locate the secure shoebox, and place these photos with the rest. Their time is long past, and I think I have learned whatever lessons I will from the discovery.

I have no idea what kind of person she is now, but I hope the girl she was, in that photo from so long ago, would be smiling at the new course of my life, and wishing me well onto the next adventure.