The Greatest Distance

So that, " 'they may be ever seeing but never perceiving, and ever hearing but never understanding; otherwise they might turn and be forgiven!' "
Mark 4:12


I think anger and resentment are not quite strong enough words to describe that feelings I had when I found out my ex-wife was leaving me, while I was overseas. It was a blow that cracked the entire structure of my world, to the point where at times I wondered if it would be better to be hit with an RPG, or taken down by small arms fire during a flight just to end the horrible pain the hole in my heart was causing me. Although the feelings lessened, they never really went away, even after I returned home.

Maybe part of the reason they lasted so long, is I had brought so much of it on myself.

Without delving too deeply into the details, its fair to say I initiated our downward spiral to divorce, and its possible that had I done things differently, it never would have come to ruin. We did both makes some very serious mistakes in that relationship, but without a doubt, I was the catalyst.

However, that didn't stop me from placing all the blame on her shoulders.

It can be a difficult thing to forgive someone, if you never take the time to sort out just what your forgiving them for. I know for me, before I could truly forgive my ex-wife, the Lord reminded me of just what I needed to ask forgiveness for. And I will tell you this, when the dust settled from that conversation between the King and I, The list of things I had to forgive her for had shrunk quite a bit, and my own record of transgressions had grown much larger.

The simplest things can be the most difficult. Its much easier to try to just forgive others, then forgive ourselves, and I think that is because to ask for forgiveness, you need to confront, and accept that which you did, to require the forgiveness.

The greatest distance I have found, is going from standing proud, to on your knees, asking for forgiveness with a willing heart. But its also one of the most worthwhile.


"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
1 John 1:9